How to be a Nigerian Student in the Uk

Ah! God has finally done it! He has blessed your hustle! The story of your Hustle is a long one; we will not go into that now! After waiting, fasting and praying for 3whole weeks (God will Judge those Visa officers for making us wait so long), you finally got your visa and now you are on your way to the UK! The Beginning of the end of your sufferings is at hand!
God has led you to me; I will tell you how to survive as a Nigerian Student in the UK.
Please throw away your Nigerian Accent! You have to learn how to speak like a white man! Your Nigerian Accent is so barbaric and guttural! In fact, before you leave Nigeria, make sure you work hard on the accent so that when you get here you can claim British sef! (Easiest way is to listen to Nigerian radio stations; you can get a foreign accent by just listening to those presenters)
Immediately you arrive the UK, make sure you “Check in” on Facebook… let all those Naija bad belle people, friends and enemies know that you are now a UK big boy/gal! Please take pictures of yourself and make sure you upload like a 100 pictures every day! How else will people know that you are living large in the UK?

Please avoid shops like Primark like a plague! They sell only cheap things there and it is bad for the image of a Nigerian “big boy” to wear anything that is cheap. Avoid the pound shop… it is for poor people… it will be an insult to your reputation to be seen in such places… and even in the “good” shops, make sure no one sees you near the “sales” section! DO NOT BUY ANYTHING THAT IS ON SALE! It is for cheap people and you are not cheap!

Food!!! To be “Cool” you have to eat “Oyinbo” food! If after a while you know deep down you cannot stand it… Don’t tell anyone o… Just look for a Nigerian Church! You do not have to be a Christian to go to the Nigerian Church; after all, we all worship the Nigerian god! Don’t get carried away, your main purpose there is food. Where there is Nigerian church, there is Nigerian food. Somebody in that church will definitely be making stew or soup for sale! Once you have become a customer to that person you can avoid the Nigerian community like a plague!

Please don’t ever forget your primary aim of coming to the UK. Did I hear you say school? Don’t be stupid! Your family is looking up to you oh! Your primary aim of coming to the UK is to remain here! Ehen! You cannot return to Nigeria o… You are to end poverty in your family! your parents are already bragging about their son that is in “London”! You dare not disappoint! School is just the easiest way to get visa!

How do you remain in the UK? Good Question! One of the easy ways is to “fall in love” with a British person and get married! No, it doesn’t have to be a white person (they avoid us like plagues now o, they have been scammed too many times by other hustlers- God will truncate their hustle)… If you are a guy, there are many unmarried “Nigerian” girls with British passport looking for husband! Just catch one and you are blessed! There are many other ways oh… I will expatiate on that some other time!

Important points; you are now a “big” boy/gal… spending “hard” currency, do not disappoint us oh!

May God Bless your Hustle in a Foreign Land!

Amen
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