How to be a Nigerian Pharmacist

You have finally finished Pharmacy school; one of the chosen ones! You were taught in school that Pharmacists are very important – “a doctor kills a person at a time but a pharmacist can kill a whole nation”… Now you are out of school and reality sets in! You realize that, you are only important as a Pharmacy student and nobody really knows who a Pharmacist is or his importance. Also, depending on where you find yourself, you are either a glorified marketer, sales boy/girl, or a “dispenser” of drugs! All the 5(+x) years you spent in school to do this? All the structures you had to cram, all the practical classes you failed and had to repeat for this? God will surely truncate the hustle of the lecturers in Pharmacy school!
Anyway, Do not worry, I will tell you how to succeed as a Pharmacist in Nigeria!

Firstly, you must find a Pharmacy to Register! Register and Go (popularly known as R&G) is the way forward. It is the easiest way to get that bulk sum of money. Money needed to hustle by just using your license to register the place- and they also foot all your registration fees! Make sure you register a Pharmacy that is not in the center of town so that those wicked people in PCN will not reach there. God will truncate the hustle of all the Pharmacists Council guys that are trying to catch R&G people (as if they did not do R&G in their time).

Secondly, become a rep! Easiest way to get a car as a Pharmacist! Depending on the company you are representing, you can get a brand new car or a second hand car (but car na car!). Some companies sef fit give you driver (make sure you collect the driver’s salary but drive yourself)! Beware of all those indigenous companies that promise you a car after you start work! Do NOT accept their offer until you see the car keys! God will surely truncate the hustle of any company that wants to truncate your hustle! I must warn you about this; as a Medical representative, your worst nightmare is not the Doctor (Doctors are very easy to convince- once you know how to sort them out your brand becomes number 1- I could give a whole lecture on this). It is your fellow Pharmacists that work in the hospital as dispensers or the glorified sales boys/girls in community Pharmacies that you should be wary of- Do not mind them, they are only jealous because they do not have flashy cars like you! Just try to buy drinks for them and give them branded biros, jotters and key-holders; it would help distract their envious minds!

Thirdly, do Locum! How can you not do Locum as a Pharmacist? It is also a good way for our God to bless your hustle! Make sure you do Locum in a Pharmacy where you are the only Pharmacist! If Possible, do Locum in a Pharmacy owned by a Non-Pharmacist! Pharmacists are very greedy and stingy! You have to be really careful working for another Pharmacist! They are very wicked! They do not want young Pharmacists to Progress! They watch your every move, maybe because they were dubious when they were young and  now they are scared! Work for a Non-Pharmacist; this way, your word is LAW! You can sit in the Pharmacists office and demand consultation fees from anyone who comes to the Pharmacy! NOOO! DONT scare the client by telling them before-hand! Add it to the overall Bill! Make sure you give Expensive “nutriceuticals”, explain how a lack of vitamins is the reason behind ALL illnesses! Make sure you are nice and friendly to the young girls that come to your Pharmacy, you can make a lot of money from Birth control pills and “counseling”. They will surely tell their friends about you and God can use them to bless your hustle! God Bless the men that come to buy Viagra, many of them will buy at whatever price you give them and it is a wonderful way to make money! May God bless their hustle! In fact, within one year if you are very sharp you can open your own Pharmacy (or find your way outside Nigeria)! Of course you can sell sedatives, just make sure there will be no trace to you if anything happens. May God truncate the hustle of anyone that wants to arrest you for selling a sedative of N300.

Lastly, Make sure you tell all your clients that going to the hospital is a waste of their time! You are the Pharmacist and even the Doctor does not know drugs like you! Liaise with a Laboratory near-by and send all your clients to that Lab (if necessary). Be careful though, some Lab scientists can be greedy! They can claim to be doctors and can truncate your hustle! Work out a payment formula with the lab and get paid for every patient you send there! Of course, your consultation fee will be more and you also get to sell drugs to the patient!
NEVER EVER tell your patient what drug they are taking! These people are wicked; if they know the name of the drug they would not come to you again!

God will surely bless your hustle

I will tell you more about making it as a Hospital Pharmacist in Nigeria

For now, I wish you all the Best
May God bless our collective Hustle!

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How to be a Nigerian Student in the Uk

Ah! God has finally done it! He has blessed your hustle! The story of your Hustle is a long one; we will not go into that now! After waiting, fasting and praying for 3whole weeks (God will Judge those Visa officers for making us wait so long), you finally got your visa and now you are on your way to the UK! The Beginning of the end of your sufferings is at hand!
God has led you to me; I will tell you how to survive as a Nigerian Student in the UK.
Please throw away your Nigerian Accent! You have to learn how to speak like a white man! Your Nigerian Accent is so barbaric and guttural! In fact, before you leave Nigeria, make sure you work hard on the accent so that when you get here you can claim British sef! (Easiest way is to listen to Nigerian radio stations; you can get a foreign accent by just listening to those presenters)
Immediately you arrive the UK, make sure you “Check in” on Facebook… let all those Naija bad belle people, friends and enemies know that you are now a UK big boy/gal! Please take pictures of yourself and make sure you upload like a 100 pictures every day! How else will people know that you are living large in the UK?

Please avoid shops like Primark like a plague! They sell only cheap things there and it is bad for the image of a Nigerian “big boy” to wear anything that is cheap. Avoid the pound shop… it is for poor people… it will be an insult to your reputation to be seen in such places… and even in the “good” shops, make sure no one sees you near the “sales” section! DO NOT BUY ANYTHING THAT IS ON SALE! It is for cheap people and you are not cheap!

Food!!! To be “Cool” you have to eat “Oyinbo” food! If after a while you know deep down you cannot stand it… Don’t tell anyone o… Just look for a Nigerian Church! You do not have to be a Christian to go to the Nigerian Church; after all, we all worship the Nigerian god! Don’t get carried away, your main purpose there is food. Where there is Nigerian church, there is Nigerian food. Somebody in that church will definitely be making stew or soup for sale! Once you have become a customer to that person you can avoid the Nigerian community like a plague!

Please don’t ever forget your primary aim of coming to the UK. Did I hear you say school? Don’t be stupid! Your family is looking up to you oh! Your primary aim of coming to the UK is to remain here! Ehen! You cannot return to Nigeria o… You are to end poverty in your family! your parents are already bragging about their son that is in “London”! You dare not disappoint! School is just the easiest way to get visa!

How do you remain in the UK? Good Question! One of the easy ways is to “fall in love” with a British person and get married! No, it doesn’t have to be a white person (they avoid us like plagues now o, they have been scammed too many times by other hustlers- God will truncate their hustle)… If you are a guy, there are many unmarried “Nigerian” girls with British passport looking for husband! Just catch one and you are blessed! There are many other ways oh… I will expatiate on that some other time!

Important points; you are now a “big” boy/gal… spending “hard” currency, do not disappoint us oh!

May God Bless your Hustle in a Foreign Land!

Amen
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